Some producers sit on their content for a very fucking long time. Savvy poonheads, this one's for you. TEENSHONEY features ultra rare boink scenes with jewels like pouty princess Eufrat, glued-on smiley slut Nancy Sweetstorm, one-hit-wonder super hottie Nikol, buxom tart Simi, and deer-in-the-headlights skinny skank Jitka S.. Connaisseurs will spot yet another jewel in there. Now that's a fucking lineup.

That's from Private Mag 206. "One of us" made it. Ok, he's good looking, nice and talented but apart from that we're just the same.

Saturday is the most crowded day of the festival and all girls are there but some are only visiting for business so you have to catch them in the alleys. Highlights of the day:
- Anita Pearl is really a cutie
- Valentina Rossi and Defrancesca Gallardo are posing together
- Annette Schwartz is walking the alleys (she is impressive)
- Bobbi Eden who is a brunette now so nobody recognized her
- Sara Ferrari has an Italian name and works for an Italian company but actually she is Czech
- More photos of Black Angelika, Jeny Baby, Nesty, Yasmine Gold, Mili Jay, Jasmine Rouge
- Quiz: one girl in the photos is not from Europe. Could you identify her?

Second day at Venus festival is also the first day open to public so it's much more crowded but more girls show up too.
At Daring, good friends Lucy Belle and Black Angelika were sitting in egg shape seats in each corner of the stand.
Skin-head CJ was showing her slim body for Paradise Film. At Erotic Planet, very cute Jasmine Rouge readily accepts to flash her tits for EBI
Fake Italian girls Bambola and Sofia Gucci at ATV
At VPS/Private, Tarra White and Keana Moire have just arrived from Prague.
Every year FreeOnes has a bigger stand with more girls including 2 Czech babes, Mili Jay and Carol Goldnerova
iPorn has a small stand but it is packed with 7 or 8 girls, some very small ones like Jeny Baby, Nesty and Yasmine Gold, and also very tall ones with Larissa Dee and Angelina Love.
In the evening we went to the Erotic Line awards ceremony. The only eurobabes to get on stage were Lucy Belle and Black Angelika for Daring company. Angelika was very happy.

First day at Venus festival in Berlin is for professional only. But there is still lot of people in the alleys, businessmen and journalists.
Black Angelika knows me well as it is the 4th festival I meet her (Lisbon, Milan, Madrid, Berlin), each time with a different company! This time she is with Daring, as well as her good friend and fellow Romanian Lucy Belle.
Blue Angel is visiting them from her stand at sexsense/playvisionmedia/21sextury. At the same place, you can find 2 other Hungarian cuties with Bambi and Anita Pearl. Anita doesn't speak english so Bambi translated for me.
Valentina Rossi just arrived from Prague at the end of afternoon. She had fun with director Fred.2KN of Parliament Adult Entertainment presenting their latest work Schyzo Fuck.

December 2007 - "Uncle Cel", suspected pornographist, became the focus of a formal EBI investigation after authorities believed his website XX-CEL.COM was subverting the minds of countless male internet surfers, displaying pictures of buxom and/or pregnant females in various lactating stages and even more various positions. The suspect appeared brazen enough to have himself photographed with the creamy operatives many times over, sometimes even openly drinking from the bare nipples, all the while showing his face. The website proceeds alledgedly served as funds to book even more cow-like models, in a perpetual vicious circle.
March 2008 - A suspect was spotted on the Las Vegas strip exiting a fast food restaurant and heading to a shooting range. Covert operatives managed to photograph the suspect during his shooting session. Since the suspect is believed to be highly dangerous (and of extremely large size), the three agents were instructed not to arrest him and just wait for backup. When the truckload of EBI agents and the local SWAT team reached the location, they found the agents' bodies, one of them partially chewed up. Officials believe the suspect was still hungy after his super-sized meal and extra-large order of french fries.		May 2008 - The investigation was dealt another blow when EBI Special agents P. Frogi and L. Sbonda got trampled to death in Switzerland by mad cows in a milk factory that they believed was one of the many hideouts of the pornographist. Special agent D. Buni got assigned to the case as lead investigator, in spite of a widespread opposition from both the public and EBI high ranking officials because of agent Buni's highly unorthodox methods, her fondness of deadly force and known lack of respect for retarded individuals worldwide. However, her successful track record in many recent cases landed her the investigation. Time was running out. Another website, HEAVYONHOTTIES , again featuring "Uncle Cel", surfaced on the internet, this time featuring even more deviant acts with various loosely-minded, young, highly attractive eastern european females.
August 30, 2008 - 10:34 AM - EBI officials were alerted after a supermarket cashier notified authorities in Paris, France, that an individual matching the suspect's description made a displaced comment on her "round, juicy, ripe milky mellons" (sic). Special agent Buni was dispatched to the location and started surveillance.		September 6, 2008 - The following events were recorded by the surveillance team: 1:34PM - Suspect shows up again at the supermarket, leaves with three large baby milk cartons, a bib and a pacifier. 1:40PM - Special Agent Buni stops the suspect while identifying herself to him, her service weapon drawn. Gunfire is exchanged until both parties run out of ammo. Special agent Buni reloads with a full clip and swears she will only use piercing body armour rounds from now on. Suspect flees and gallops towards a public park. 1:55PM - After a 10mn foot chase through the park, "Uncle Cel" is arrested by special agent Buni. "Uncle Cel" ran very fast, unfortunately for him, rabbits run even faster. With the suspect handcuffed, special agent Buni only needed a written confession from the suspect. The following minutes are an excerpt of that interrogation, which took place at a restaurant across the park, where Buni had sauteed scallops, a chocolate mousse and a Perrier, while Cel wolfed down a half tartare and an apple cake. TRANSCRIPT Buni: Hey. Punk. You're "UNCLE CEL", right? CEL: Oui. Buni: Mmm, a Froggie.. (This explains why he crossed the street like wild cattle do). So, tell me, how is it going? CEL: Good, thanks, for once I'm not sick! I'm always usually down with something. Buni: Really? How is that? CEL: I think it's from the girls' milk I gulp down during the shoots. It doesn't matter, I'll do it anyway, I don't care if I get sick, I'll drink milk from my models until the end! Buni: Oookay... So. Tell me, initially, the idea was to take pictures of you for the interview, sitting on a stool naked or in underwear and handcuffed, but you refused. Why is that? CEL: I don't like the idea of having pics of me naked on the internet!
Buni: But hang on, you're naked on your new website, you're boinking these chicks and your dick is stretching their orifices! CEL: Yes, but I'm not alone on the pics. People will look at the girls, not at me. Buni: ...Ookay. Anyway. So, tell me, how did you start in this business? When? CEL: I started as a modelling agent actually, in 2004. I was working for various media companies specialized in busty models. I have been passionate about big boobs ever since I was 4 years old. Buni: When you're 4, it's kind of normal to like boobs, you're still a little kid. CEL: Yeah but the fascination never wore off. Buni: Ah. CEL: When I was 12 I was also obsessed with porn. I used to swap porno videocassettes with my friends at school! You know, I'm generation Y, and I grew up when the media started portraying the porn studs as fashionable, cool role models, like Rocco Siffredi... Canal+ (Note: French private channel) had all these shows and they were very porn friendly. Buni: Who are your porn idols? CEL: Randy Spears and Peter North Buni: Randy Spears, isn't that the guy who married Danielle Rogers, the porn blonde with the big silicon boobs and valley girl looks? CEL: Yep. He's still in the biz you know... I bet he uses a lot of Viagra to make up for his old age! ;) Just kidding, Randy, you're my idol!

Buni: How come your English is so good? I also noticed that on your website.
CEL: Because I spent a lot of time in the US when I was a pre-teen. Key Biscayne, Florida..
Buni: Aha. Is that where you got your love of beautiful girls?
CEL: Not really. See, unlike you and your EBI fans, I'm not totally into model-like, thin hot beautiful girls. I'm into big breasted girls, full-figured, sometimes even girls you would consider fat and ugly. Girls like Terry Nova, they're extremely successful and have a huge following of loyal, eager fans around the world. Maybe more than any of your skinny porn chicks. And I'll tell you why. For normal people, for the regular joe, beautiful girls are out of reach, they are unattainable, they will never be around them yet alone fuck them, beautiful girls scare them, they scare the shit out of them. They might have tried once and got rejected or have witnessed men being rejected and get humiliated and/or hurt. Plus, these girls usually are stuck up, and would drop dead rather than give you the time of day. So, normal men prefer regular-looking girls who are at their reach, who they can relate to, girls they can (and do) fuck, because these girls are made for them. Maybe you can't understand that because it is easy for you to get laid and you have access to a wealth of sexual partners, maybe you're one of the lucky bunch who doesn't have to worry about rejection or doesn't care that much.
Buni: Uh... (wondering when did the table turn and questions started coming this way)
CEL: I started my website because I was tired of witnessing sexual misery around me, with my friends, in my family, I did everything I could not to become a victim of that, I hung out with night and porn people, I started travelling. In Paris, most of the men are miserable because the girls are totally stuck up. If you walk up to a pretty girl in Paris, be ready to get hosed with pepper spray, or maybe she will call her brother to beat you up. It's abject sexual misery here. In eastern countries, they are so much more beautiful and smiling and open, sexually or otherwise. It's no big deal to go to a beautiful girl and chat her up, she will not make you feel you're a pathetic, ugly, moron and she will never behave like she's a semi-goddess sent from heaven above, unlike here in Paris where in discos it looks more about competition than fun, "who will get the best looking partner", "who will get the most", etc. What about you!? Tell me, when did you last get laid in Paris?
Buni: Um... Dunno. Can't remember...
CEL: Exactly my point! And it's close to impossible to get laid here. Only a few guys get the girls, and they're always the same guys, the kind of young alpha males, shallow, retarded boasting assholes like French TV exhibits in all the prime reality shows nowadays. They get all the girls because they're fit and good looking, that's all that matters. They get to choose, they're the kings of the pecking order in the pussy jungle. Lucky bastards. To the contrary, some of the guys I know even make up stories about sexual encounters in order to be socially accepted, because it is uncool not to fuck girls, and worse to still be a virgin when you're 30 years old, but here in Paris, I'm telling you, the girls make it really hard. That's why I wanted to escape to have all the pussy I needed. To never be the victim of this sexual misery, this unbearable frustration I was fearing every day, in this gloomy city. With my website I can share my experience and spread some of that happiness around.
Buni: Funny. I was expecting this interview to have kind of a lighter tone to it... Anyway, that'll certainly vaporize any accusation of you being shallow! So, who are your favourite models so far?
CEL: (after 4 seconds)... Domino, she's bitchy but great sex. Leonie, she's such a teenie looking chick, I love her braces. Debbie White, she's a hot bitch, and you can tell she's been around the block because she really knows how to milk you.
Buni: What about implants? Do you like that?
CEL: No I don't like that. In Budapest now, I think it's awful to see so many girls with silicon in boobs and lips... especially for the girls who don't need it. If the boobs were sagging ok, but no, they have perfect boobs.
Buni: So you don't like silicon? But when we were walking you showed me on the way a german pornstar with huge silicon boobs and you said you like her!?
CEL: Ok I know it sounds crazy, but I like silicon when it's gigantic. When they're hyper siliconed!
Buni: I think we need to stop the interview soon. I'm late, I need to go floss my goldfish. So, in conclusion, anything to say to EBI fans?
CEL: Oui, if you live in Paris, or anywhere where there's sexual misery, stand up and fight. Go have fun in Prague or Bratislava or St Petersburg! And dudes, stop sending me your photos, sorry but I'm never gonna fix you up with one of the babes you like!! And enjoy my models, skinny or bigboobed, it doesn't matter, just refuse to settle for less and give in to sexual misery!

Gym Class Heroes's "Cupid's Chokehold" stars one of the cutest girls I've ever seen. She's so lovely, I wanna cry. When the song was big I used to watch the video thinking, "I'll probably never seen her again, or know who she is". Little did I know.

Fifty-three hours with Doris aka Aletta Alien. Good premises for a wet dream, an X-rated new release, or a fantasy weekend. Either that, or a roller coaster ride most men cannot survive. That’s ok, I’m a rabbit.

Eszter from BRILLBABES was kind enough to set up everything, took care of the logistics and smoothed out all the kinks for me. I love Eszter, all agents should be like her, swift and efficient. From the moment I told her I had always liked Doris and wanted to book her, even after her plastic surgery, I set up my own trap. Worse: I’m pretty sure I’d do it again.

I spotted Doris at the terminal exit, and her resemblance to Angelina Jolie struck me like a freight train at full speed. Manne of long shiny dark hair, full lips, straight nose, complete with the near constant pout and the big blue eyes. Her deep cleavage down her leather jacket caught my eye. Would Brad jump me any minute now?

Doris’ English was pretty good, as Eszter told me, and she even spoke French a little, rusty remains from school, as she said. On the way to my appartment, Doris told me she loves it so much here, the Eiffel Tower, the Champs Elysees, she even went to Disneyland but she’s scared of Space Mountain. How ironic. You’re a live roller coaster, baby.

It was nice and sunny out, which was a nice break from the cold, windy, rainy weather we were experiencing, so I took her to the nearby park for some photos. Passing a newsstand, she pointed to a girlie mag and said “I know her!”. I stopped, looked up and said, pointing to a porn magazine, “I know her!”. Doris was on the cover, billed as Aletta Ocean, and described as “a rather perverse sexual angel”. She was laughing and said that in Budapest, she needs to search the internet for her photos, but her pics are never in the streets like that.

Doris was polite, and smiling, and seemingly good-tempered. “Unlike most models I know”, I thought. Beautiful young thing.

At lunch, she asked me if she could read the magazine in the restaurant. I told her yes, she could, if she wanted everybody to stare at her, especially since she was on the cover of that magazine. She laughed. I told her that it was odd, since she said several times during the park shoot that she doesn’t like when people look at her in the streets. She was eating carefully and I realized something was odd. She read my expression, and told me she got her tongue pierced five days ago, and it still hurts like hell. She smiled, read yet another of my thought, and said “Don’t worry, I’m sure I will be able to suck your dick. I don’t want you to call Eszter and say: what kind of agent are you, sending over a girl with a fresh piercing”. I smiled and mimicked her during the BJ, putting my cock in between the cheek and the gums to avoid the tongue. She laughed. I wondered what kind of crazy thoughts run in the girls mind to want to have their tongue pierced. I noticed that the sweetest looking girls are often those who really want to do it.

Back to the appartment, we looked at the pictures we took in the park. She just looked so beautiful.

In a few photos her face is standing out from the background and I said “Woa… you look like a dream girlfriend..”. Silence fell with a loud, chilly thud. It was almost as if someone had pressed a giant switch somewhere. I felt her gaze on the back of my neck for a split second.

Doris went to the bathroom and started preparing for the shoot. I usually like to shoot models in skimpy colorful attire, beach bunnies or bikini sluts but I gave Doris a fully-equipped assault rifle, a .45 caliber and dressed her up in black tactical gear. She brought a pair of boots she bought in Milan “for over 800euros”. Indeed, they were very nice. We were ready for the shoot and I found myself looking at dangerously sexed-up version of Lara Croft. Did I just create her according to my fantasies or was she like that before?

If there is a hell, I’m taking the express elevator, and the walls are getting hotter by the second. That’s alright, I don’t care. It’s kinda nice, actually. See? I’m even actively working to take you along with me, all of you, lurkers, peepers, peddlers and home consumers. You think you’re safe because most of you are “just looking”? I think not. Like for Medusa’s hair, take one look and be doomed. Once you’ve been exposed, it is only a matter of time before you celebrate the New Flesh. Open up to your deviant desires, let mass-media probe your dilatated inner self. Come to Nicky. Or Bunny.

Coming up: “POV is Hell”

“Is it loaded?” Doris asked me before the weapons shoot. “Yes, but as long as you don’t chamber a round then pull the trigger, we should be okay” I said. Yeah… you should be okay. But will I be okay? Somehow, I knew she was far more dangerous than the Glock and the assault rifle combined.

It would be vain to pretend that I was immune to her beauty. True, I didn’t like her plastic surgery, that I deemed really totally absurd… Her nose, her boobs, her lips… I hate those fake lips, they were just so perfect before. Still, I think I share with her the same fascination for physical perfection. We just differ on when to stop. I thought she didn’t need to start. Ever.

So many times she complained about something not right with her, when I simply just couldn’t imagine what she was talking about. She said her hair looked bad and wanted blonde short hair like “Posh” Spice. Doris’ hair looked just perfect and my dick turned green at the thought of Victoria Beckham. When I dressed Doris with colorful Tees and panties, she said she looked like a clown. Hey that’s funny, I really wanted to fuck clowns all my life then. She said she wants bigger boobs and just called her surgeon. I wondered if cutting all the plastic surgeons’ hands (and heads) would be enough to make my point and stop that insanity. How’s that for a nip and tuck, motherfuckers?

Truth is, plastic surgeons cannot and do not force anyone to go under their scalpel. It is fascinating to hear a girl who is a 10 speak about getting implants, or anything, done. Doris is not the only girl I know like that, suffering from severe image distortion. They do suffer. One of them told me she just can’t look at herself in the mirror anymore, because she wants to change everything about her, legs, butt, boobs, face, hair, and she is crying when she looks at herself. You cannot possibly realize how insane this is, until you’ve seen her. She is a true natural beauty that make all the other girls furious with envy and men stop at nothing to get her. Endless shapely legs, silky peachy skin, firm round butt, perky firm tits, perfect face… a perfect ten, but a walking wounded. Mental shrapnels, image bombs. Thank you again, mass-media.

Doris pointed at a picture of a blonde with huge silicon implants in the porn mag we bought and asked me “Do you know what size they are? I want the same” I looked at her in disbelief and told her I’d never shoot her again if she does it. Apparently she wasn’t too moved by my arguments, and said she’ll probably retire soon anyway, as she was tired of B/G scenes, shooting almost every day for months. She needed a vacation, she said.

All the models I know flaunt, carry and wear cheap fake Vuitton-Gucci-Prada stuff. Not Doris. She has the real deal: a golden cellphone, the new Iphone, a pearl necklace, Gucci handbag straight from the Milan boutique... Luxury Barbie would be jealous. She’d probably lose Ken to Doris too. Can’t blame him. Doris comes with anti-gravity boobs, irresistible blue eyes and long real black hair. Plus, Ken probably jerks off to DPFanatics.com, in which Doris starred in the latest episode. She said it’s funny that the owner of the site, her boyfriend, a retired porn actor, paid her for the shoot, when it doesn’t really make sense since they’re together. Yeah. What does make sense in this life anyway? I thought about making a clever joke on the irony of getting stuffed good to get good stuff, but decided against it. After all, to each his/her poison. I can’t remember which is mine anymore. Girls? Guns? Carrots? Oh yeah, silly me. Putting my carrot in girls with guns.

Why exactly did I decide to shoot here, hence without my assistant and my regular make-up artists? I couldn’t say, but nothing was the same with me anyway, so it didn’t really matter after all. I tried to hold my camera for POV-style pictures during the sex shoot but couldn’t carry the heavy beast very long, so shortly after starting I decided to give up and switch to video. Thanks to trusty tripods, I could now use both hands on Doris. Doris… She was as good as she looked and I wished I could record the sensory overload that was flooding my neurons. She was surprisingly tight, tasted really good, and the caress of her soft skin and hair was simply awesome. This is just perfect, she is perfect, I thought. Boy, was I wrong.

Coming up: “The alien mothership has landed”

Will she? Seriously, is this another tease? A new hype to something that won't ever happen? Anyway, our fave Angelica has an Assholefever set coming up. The trailer doesn't show anything and the write-up is pretty clear "Okay, Angelica Heart is new to anal, so who not introduce her to the naughtier side of sex?.... It shows some promise but for the moment it's just another build-up.