Singing for my soup - DiggityDog Dirty VOD Reviews

[boombingbang]

So I have arrangements with a to-remain-nameless VOD site to review their hot movies (<<oh that's smooth, no?) to try and spice things up and more importantly secure myself free unlimited and potentially lifetime VOD which is the grandest personal achievement and I'd wager a pretty swell one in general short of rich parents, a winning lottery ticket, and having a big fat cock. Anyway I intend to post the one's relevant to the Euro world here to serve as a guide to fellow VOD users (wave of the future I think) & a shameless venue for self-aggrandizement & exposure (PLEASE SOMEONE PAY ME PLEASE!). Sinister & leaching motives aside & if this thread isn't already on borrowed time, here we go with one of my main EBI squeezes:

Can We Fuck? (Studio: Russian Content)

This is Margo AKA Aubrie, Nikki, Diane, plus a dozen other names. She is hot but since retired, out of the business, and (rumor has it) married to some lucky bastard. Despite her identity issues and drop dead gorgeous looks, she is a pretty tame soloist and everything else-ist for that matter from what I have seen of her. I nonetheless adore her, tolerate mediocrity & even less, and thoroughly enjoy her solo films like this one anyway. As is typical with her (and many East Euro babes) there is ZERO dialog and a kind of a "going through the motions now pay me" vibe. However, I may be reading too much into it. Either way, I was very happy to find this video as it is not in her listed credits in either the Internet Adult Film Database (IAFD) or the Eurobabesindex directory (<<See? Showin' the love! -b3), and I still sneak a peak now and again. Further, I hope she divorces Jimbob or whoever if true and takes a dive back into the business with an identifiable and single name that isn't Margo as I think it's weird and unbefitting such an amazingly hot chick. I might suggest Ivana Fukalot if it weren't already taken (Ivana is another eastie worth researching...so awesome). So to summarize this movie: She poses, she rubs, she postures, she fingers, she dildos, she pretends to cum. The end. -DiggityDog

PS. Maybe this qualifies as "SPAM"? Not real intention...mostly sort of anyway... but if so perceived please delete and sorry but since this forum isn't exactly lighting the world on fire so far, maybe this adds some value? - leaching off your bandwidth aside. Regards.

[boombingbang]

100% Masturbations Volume 1 (Studio: Nasty Pixxx)

BORING. Music drowns out the sound, not that there was much audio outside that anyway. I hate posing and striping movies. There was almost zero passion in the three scenes I checked out. It takes Sylvia Saint 5 minutes to finally take off her fucking bra. Terrible movie so unless you have one particular fav actress in here (and actually Saint is one of mine but this is a totally uninspired performance, shame on her) don't bother. In all fairness though maybe one of these actresses actually did their job but the parts of the three sessions I watched before turning away in boredom were TERRIBLE and when that level of effort & passion includes Saint herself, well again why bother being fair....fuck fair....and forget I said this....this piece of shit flick. Just a waste. -DiggityDog

[boombingbang]

Ok...cool. So I guess if you can swallow that then here is the real test as I am a not-too-be-censored-or-filtered motherfucker & if my mother produced porn and dropped the ball I'd call her a dumb cunt. So here's one I just realized is from an apparent EBI butt bud, all around swell fellows, & a top-notch classy operation. Anyway, what follows is not so bad though really and given it's due though maybe I think it's doo. By the way the relevance other than 'the masked or mislabeled studio we all know and love' issue: EBI girl Wilda called Yvonne here is one of the stars & further probably the whole cast is EBI as well. So now it's kaboom time finally:

Lez Cuties 2 (Studio: Antigua Pictures) <<AKA someone else

Yawn. Cookie cutter lezbo action with top notch talent. There are literally thousands I think of these types of flicks. Zero dialog which is a plus, zero f-talk which is a minus. The latter probably being due to the fact that most of the actresses are Euros or Eastern Euros which are typically stunning but most speaks no good and few really burn or at least outwardly express their enthusiasm outside a series of monotonous moans or a "oh yeah" here and there. What ever happened to "F ME MF'ER!"? Or even just talk shit in Russian or whatever, anything. I could digovski and it would be a major step up from silencski. The second dimension of the lack of any audio excitement issue, I feel, is that in general most directors/producers/studios are lazy and/or talentless dirtbags. To their particular credit though (ie per this film), these lesbo things are top-notch, hand-made quality smut, but they really have to step it up because it's an old and saturated market niche I sez. I dunno I guess that's just me as I was bored but the eye candy in addition to your own psychological inducements can probably get the job done for you and however many other girls you're with at the time. The girls to me however are all the same, unreal hot looking & gorgeous, but the 'same' nonetheless - i.e. might as well swap wigs and change their make-up between scenes. -DiggityDog

[boombingbang]

Relevance to EBI is zero most likely except I think one of these chicks featured had an accent of some sort. However, since this is my new personal favorite regarding the actual review content - as vid as a whole is garbage minus one 10 min segment - here it is. However &....

Further it is somewhat pertinent given the upcoming holiday season at least to the US contingent here which is probably zero as well so....so you know what....I won't even try to BS you anymore. What follows is completely out of place, has indeed ZERO to do with EBI nor an EBI girl unless by some fantastic six (or sixty) degrees of separation move but here it is to stick out & look as out of place as that KISS-face covered "thing" on the tie rack in the closet that you bought high on acid 10 years ago but never dare wear to work nor throw away because of it's perverse charm & personal nostalgic value:

Talking for You! #2 (Studio: True Fantasies)

This is an amateur solo rub-one-out flick which in my mind follows the standard formula: one of the girls shines, the rest embarrass themselves. As I know that it takes quite a bit of courage to put yourself out there like that which is admirable, endearing, & yadda-fuckin-yadda, this does not mean critical asylum - amateur shithouse production or no. So I will take one at a time and give you a quick first impression. If no further than first impression then you'll see why they always make a big deal out of the first impression in the first place. Per my standards at least, in such films if you suck in the first 10-15 secs you have given me zero evidence that you will be any better to be worthy my next 7-12 minutes or what have you. So here we go: 1) Caprice - She's laying on her bed and telling me she is laying there with her pussy. Now 'pussy' is a good word and in this context - it's mint. However, she manages to F that up because she is holding in her arms a nice toy stuffed PUSSY cat. Get it? WOW. The dialog quality then plunges to the almost insane: "Do you like almost....everything I do?" Not even close to almost, sweetie...in fact a NO from Neptune is still not near far nuff...or somethin'...ne-way...NEXT. 2) Misty - I felt like I was being served by an extremely lazy, banged up waitress as she lie draped across that little arm chair with a bruised up arm and basically recites the entire menu, the specials, & the soup of the day: "Would you like me to show you my tits first or blah or blah or blah?" BLAH. 3) Airyan Michaels - I'd say this gal was a robot as she looks over to her right every other second to what I guess are cue cards (?) as she.....speaks....like....this....so....I ....clicked...over...to....4) Jade - FINALLY. Something to watch and friggin' good. Damn friggin' good in fact. Jade's a minx and she can work a cooter & a camera. WATCH HER. Worth it in fact one might say she is the only one worth clicking on in this vid since...5) Olivia STINKS!. After a ham-handed "OH it's you! HIYA!!!" rap she says something like: "Your cock is really really really big. I didn't realize you were so hung". Right. Well, I have better things to do than have my intelligence insulted. GOOOOD DAY TO YOU, DEAR!

So scene 4 is Jade's turn. Watch as she is in the 90-95% awesomeness percentile with only a few cliche douche chill moments like the cheesy: "You like that?" - as it oddly reminded me a bit of Edith in the old sit-com All in the Family for whatever reason. Fuckin' weird. But returning now from far left-field, I believe she more than makes up for the 2-3 stumbles and just kills the spot, steals the show, and demonstrates that it is indeed hard but still possible to soar like an eagle & rub your pussy when you work with turkeys. Good job, Jade! Everyone else, not so much. And to answer Jade's questions per her set (though I think she was probably just being nice): YES I would like to suck your tits & YES I would like to fuck your pussy. So if you were serious please look me up (hey, it never hurts to ask). As for the rafter/bale/dule/posse/death-row/brood or to use a perhaps easier custom collective noun: the gobbling gaggle, I still wish you well despite your solo performing inadequacies and hope you are happy, healthy, & further I advise you watch your asses as Thanksgiving is not too far off. -DiggityDog